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Resources  email page print page Basic Information Chapter 1 - Self-help: What is it? Chapter 1 - IndexIntroduction to the Online Self-Help BookTaking Action is KeyExample of Taking Action (with analysis)Steps in the Self-help ProcessSteps 1-4: Problem AnalysisSteps 5-7: Planning a SolutionSteps 8 and 9: Taking ActionSteps to Self-Help OverviewBenefits of Self-helpDisadvantages of Self-helpWhen Self-help Is InappropriateDeciding Whether to Use Self-help or Professional HelpDiagnosis vs. Self-DiagnosisRisks of Self DiagnosisConclusion Chapter 2 - Understanding the Nature of your Problem Chapter 2 - IndexIntroductionIdentify What Life Domains Are AffectedSocial ProblemsLifestyle IndicatorsSelf Identity ProblemsLevels of EmotionSexual Identity and Gender IdentityCultural IdentityLife Domains ConclusionDraw Upon Your ExistingSources of Inaccurate KnowledgeSources of Inaccurate Knowledge: ConclusionTelling True From FalseDraw Upon Scientific Methods and KnowledgeConcerns in Science Chapter 3 - Overview of Bio-Psycho-Social Theories Chapter 3 - IndexIntroductionThe "bio-psycho-social" ModelImplications of Medicine for Self-helpImplications of Psychological Theories for Self-help: IntroductionLearning TheoryPsychodynamic TheoriesHumanistic TheoryPersonality Trait TheoryDevelopmental TheoriesSocially Oriented Theories: Family SystemsSocially Oriented Theories: Further Points Chapter 4 - Meeting Basic Needs Chapter 4 - IndexIntroductionMethods for Meeting Basic NeedsMethods for Meeting Basic Needs: Shelter, Food, and Medical CareMethods for Meeting Basic Needs: NutritionMethods for Meeting Basic Needs: SleepMethods for Meeting Basic Needs: ExerciseMethods for Meeting Basic Needs: SafetyMethods for Meeting Basic Needs: BelongingMethods for Meeting Basic Needs: Relaxation and FunAssessing Basic Needs Chapter 5 - Changing Behavior and Thought Chapter 5 - IndexMethods for Changing Behavior and ThoughtsTechniques for Learning New BehaviorsTechniques for Unlearning Old BehaviorsTechniques for Unlearning Old Behaviors: ExtinctionTechniques for Unlearning Old Behaviors: Self-MonitoringTechniques for Unlearning Old Behaviors: Biofeedback and NeurofeedbackTechniques for Unlearning Old Behaviors: OverviewDealing with Avoidance-Motivated BehaviorDealing with Avoidance-Motivated Behavior: ExposureDealing with Avoidance-Motivated Behavior: Response PreventionDealing with Avoidance-Motivated Behavior: Flooding and Rational OverrideDealing with Reward-Motivated Behavior: Relapse PreventionDealing with Reward-Motivated Behavior: Relapse Prevention (Continued)Dealing with Reward-Motivated Behavior: Tapering Methods vs. Cold TurkeyDealing with Reward-Motivated Behavior: Aversion TherapyApplying Learning Principles to ThoughtsApplying Learning Principles to Thought: Cognitive RestructuringCommon Types of Thought and Belief MistakesCommon Types of Thought and Belief Mistakes: Jumping to Conclusions and Emotional Reasoning BiasesCognitive RestructuringThought StoppingSelf-Suggestion Approaches: Affirmations, Imagery and RelaxationHypnosis and Self-Hypnosis Self-Suggestion Approaches Chapter 6 - Changing Your Mood Chapter 6 - IndexMethods For Changing Your MoodSelf-Soothing Techniques: Venting and JournalingSelf-Soothing Techniques: Relaxation Methods, Progressive Muscle Relaxation, and MassageSelf-Soothing Techniques: Autogenic Training and YogaSelf-Soothing Techniques: MeditationSelf-Soothing Techniques: DistractionSelf-Soothing Techniques: Physical Exercise Chapter 7 - Changing Your Knowledge Chapter 7 - IndexChanging Your Knowledge, Skills and Abilities and CredentialsPersonal Knowledge and Informal LearningPublic, Documented Knowledge and Credential ProgramsLearning Knowledge vs. SkillLearning Knowledge vs. Skill: PracticeTime Management and OrganizationTime Management and Organization: Commitment Mapping Chapter 8 - Changing Your Relationships Chapter 8 - IndexMethods For Changing Your RelationshipsSocial SkillsSocial Skills: Role PlayingNetworkingSocializationSetting boundaries AppropriatelySetting boundaries Appropriately: Assertiveness TrainingSetting boundaries Appropriately: Assertiveness Training (Continued)Setting boundaries Appropriately: Anger ManagementSetting boundaries Appropriately: Aggressive BehaviorValues Clarification (Again!) Chapter 9 - Changing Your Identity and Motivation Chapter 9 - IndexMethods For Changing Your Identity and Your MotivationsExploring Perspectives on the Past, Present and FutureChanging Perspectives On The PastChanging Perspectives On The Past: Autobiography and Analysis of TransferenceChanging Perspectives On The Past: GenogramChanging Perspectives On The Past: OverviewMethods for Changing Perspective on the PresentMethods for Changing Perspective on the Present: Understanding Your Basic Personality ProfileCoping Strategies and Defense Mechanisms: Basic and Intermediate DefensesCoping Strategies and Defense Mechanisms: Mature DefensesCoping Strategies and Defense Mechanisms: Mature DefensesCoping Strategies and Defense Mechanisms: Questions to Ask OneselfValues and Morals ClarificationValues and Morals Clarification: Value ChangesMethods For Changing Perspective On The FutureMethods For Changing Perspective On The Future: Challenging Pessimistic Tendencies Chapter 10 - Your Unique Self-Help Plan Chapter 10 - IndexIntroductionCreating Your Unique Self-Help Plan: Setting Goals and Selecting MethodsCreating Your Unique Self-Help Plan: Plan ManagementCreating Your Unique Self-Help Plan: Stick With It!Example self-help plans: 1 & 2Example Self-help Plans: 3Example Self-help Plans: 4Example Self-help Plans: 5 Chapter 11 - Specific Problems Chapter 11 - IndexIntroduction to Specific PlansAbuseAddictions (Including Alcoholism)ADHDAnger and AggressionAnxiety and WorryCompulsive Eating and Not-EatingDatingDebt and Compulsive Spending (Shopping Addiction)DepressionGamblingInternet AddictionObsessive Compulsive DisorderProcrastinationPublic SpeakingRelationship ProblemsSelf-ConfidenceSexual AddictionSexual ProblemsSleep ProblemsSmokingSpeech ProblemsWorkaholism Chapter 12 - Dependency Chapter 12 - IndexIntroductionForces of DependencyMethods for Decreasing Dependency: Change Your Thoughts and BeliefsMethods of Decreasing Dependency: Change Your BehaviorMethods for Decreasing Dependency: Change Your KnowledgeMethods for Decreasing Dependency: Change Your Identity More Information Are You Ready to Declare Your "Emancipation Procrastination? Or Is It Time to PANIC?Dysfunctional ProcrastinationHow To Set New Year's Resolutions and Stick With Them Questions and Answers What is the true meaning of being defensive?Stuck in an on-again, off-again relationship for 10 yearsHow do I get out of a friendship?Anger To Cover SadnessAsking a second time for boundaries to be respectedWhat is the right path of action?Please help me with basic social skillsstanding up for oneselfThe Catch 22 of Fear of AbandonmentWhat is wrong with me? I Don't care anymore... Blog Entries The Nature of EnvyHow To Stick To New Year's ResolutionsUnderstanding PerfectionismSelf-Control and Success (and how to learn better self-control too)

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Values and Morals Clarification
Mark Dombeck, Ph.D. and Jolyn Wells-Moran, Ph.D.

The final thing you will benefit from becoming more aware of is your own values and how those values correspond to your community's moral sensibilities, and to your own actions. Your values are the principles you believe in and have invested in (which is why they are said to have "value" in the first place). Values are the goals towards which you aspire. They largely define the core of your identity. More importantly still, they are the source of your motivation to improve yourself. If you did not value self-improvement, for example, you would not be reading this document right now.

It is important to develop a good understanding of your values, because of how influential your values are in determining and motivating your behavior. If you don't understand your values, you won't understand how to orient yourself in a direction that is likely to be satisfying. Your behavior, your actions will be more oriented towards putting out fires (satisfying your immediate needs), and less oriented towards developing your long term potential. You won't have a plan. You will instead, just be reactive. Because if you don't understand what they are you don't know what motivates you. Or what could motivate you - towards becoming a better person.

People's values define what they want personally, but morals define what the society around those people want for them. Certain behaviors are considered to be desirable by a given society, while others are considered to be undesirable. For the most part, however, morals are not written in stone, or proclaimed by God above, but instead reflect local sensibilities. Different societies have different ideas about what is acceptable and not acceptable. There are only a relative few behaviors (usually including murder, and various forms of abuse, including incest and adult-child sexual contact of any sort) that are pretty much universally despised by stable societies.

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People are not born understanding their society's morals. Instead, these understandings develop and mature over time. Psychologist Lawrence Kolhberg's famous work has provided us with a developmental mapping of how moral understanding tends to progress through childhood and early adulthood.

• According to Kohlberg, infants have little or no moral sense, because they are not born with an understanding of the nature of human relationships. As children reach elementary school age, they enter into the first major stage of moral understanding, known as the "pre-conventional" stage. Pre-conventional children are essentially selfish in orientation. They do not think about what behaviors will serve the greater good, but rather think in terms of what will most benefit themselves. They respond primarily to power, and think of morality as a matter of following rules so as to avoid punishment.
• As children grow into adulthood, they typically enter into the stage of "conventional" moral understanding. Some children will be developmentally delayed in this regard and become adults who have the moral understanding of children; we call them sociopaths, narcissists, and anti-social personalities. The majority of people that do make it to the conventional moral understanding start thinking in terms of duty; a duty to do what is necessary to promote the greater good. They orient towards behaviors that are most likely to gain other people's respect and admiration. Part of conventional morality is the duty to behave lawfully. Some people take this duty further and understand it as a duty to conform to what other influential people around them want.
• Most adults never actually achieve the final stage of morality, known as post-conventional morality, mostly because in order to get there, people have to throw off their sense of duty to what others around them want, and reinvest their moral sense in higher principles, such as (but not limited to) "honesty", "reciprocity", and "social welfare". Such people become willing to take unpopular stances and make unpopular decisions simply because those decisions represent the right thing to do. For example, a post-conventional CEO might decide to offer full medical coverage for all employees because it is the right thing to do (to use the company to raise up all participants), even though to do so would anger shareholders who might see this as a drain on profits. It is very difficult to achieve a post-conventional morality in what is largely a conventional world. The CEO in our example would probably not last long, unfortunately.

Updated: Jun 29th 2006